Homework
You Set the Tone
A child is in a continual state of learning. From the day they are born, they are learning to not only walk and talk; they are also learning values and views from the adults around them. When it comes to attitudes and priorities, the parent sets the tone.
Homework can be a source of controversy and frustration for parents. The controversy being a parent’s opinion on the validity and appropriateness of the homework, and the frustration being a parent’s feelings of inadequacy when it comes to making homework a positive experience in their home.
There are some ways that a parent can set the stage for their child to do homework willingly and efficiently, and this process is in the child’s best interest, both educationally and developmentally.
Keep a positive attitude. As you know, the parent sets the mood in the home. If mom is “having a bad day,” and displaying impatience and frustration, the kids usually show their worse behavior, making mom’s bad day even worse. Similarly, if a parent is critical of the teacher’s assignments, displays frustration, or has a negative attitude toward homework in general, the child will mimic the same behaviors and attitudes. Critical comments and negative thoughts about homework should never be shared with a child, or even indicated through a parent’s demeanor, because a child views life through their parent’s eyes.
Make homework a top priority. This means that under normal circumstances, homework is the child’s number one “job” at home. Doing homework should never be an option. Excuses such as, “We didn’t have time.” should never be made. (Face it; “We didn’t have time.” should be changed to “We didn’t take time.” the vast majority of the time.)As an example, I have heard on countless occasions things like, “I couldn’t do my homework because my grandma was sick.” or, “I couldn’t do my homework because I had my baseball banquet last night.” In order to make homework a priority, it has to be “worked in” around all the different events and occurrences in our life. If all else fails, how about getting up a half hour early and doing it before going to school? If there’s a will, there’s a way!
Be consistent. Always set aside a particular time for homework. It doesn’t matter if it is right after school or right after dinner, it just needs to be a consistent, structured “homework time.” Children thrive on consistency, and it makes them feel safe and secure.
Be available. Being available doesn’t mean to sit and hold a child’s hand. It means to be in your child’s proximity. Your presence gives a message to your child that not only is homework important to you, but that you are “there” for support if needed. Until a child reaches a certain level of maturity, “Go to your room and do your homework!” doesn’t work, and this practice creates bad study habits, sending a negative, sometimes punitive, message.
Provide materials. Make sure your child has everything needed such as paper, pencils, poster board, etc. Remember, children can’t drive and they can’t go get it. In some instances, I have had parents say, “It’s his responsibility to let me know he needs poster board when he gets home from school. I’m not getting out at 9:00 at night when he finally remembers!” What message does this send to the child? Is mom being positive? Is she making homework a top priority? Is she being consistent, available and providing the necessary materials? I agree that if a child “forgets” on a regular basis, this is an unacceptable practice, but there has to be a consequence for his “forgetfulness” other than not fulfilling homework obligations! This simple practice sends the message that homework is a priority if it doesn’t put mom out. The message should be, “This is putting me out, but homework is worth it and has to be done! Now…junior…this is what is going to happen if you do this again…”
Be there to help, not do. When you “do” your child’s homework, science projects, etc. for your child, you are sending the message that you do not think he is capable of doing it, or that what he does or creates is “not good enough.” Also, if a parent thinks the teacher and other students don’t know, she is wrong. Not only do the people associated with your child form a negative “opinion” of you and your child, more importantly, you are killing your child’s self-esteem.
Keep in touch. It is very important that parents and teachers keep an open line of communication. Remember, the teacher is working for the best of interest of twenty plus kids, and you are working in the best interest of one. Don’t have unrealistic expectations when it comes to the teacher’s communication efforts. They should be consistent and informative, but it is up to you to ask periodically rather than expect a detailed daily teacher report. Also, if you find your child isn’t keeping you informed, ask questions, then, follow up. Apathy creates mediocrity.
Educating your child is a responsibility shared by you and your child’s teachers. Remember, however, that you set the tone and determine how your child regards and performs homework.
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